Thursday, November 12, 2009

NaNo Part 4 WC 2617

At the very least the little ninja bitch will be buying him a new ice cream. He would of continued like that for awhile too. If there is one person who appreciates the little things in life, it is Link. Interupting these things? Well that is a fate that usually ends in multiple broken teeth for the perpetrator, consiquences be dammed. It’s the crash though. That is one things that is able to effectively shut Link up harder and faster than any other living thing. It also helps that the thing that made the crash flies right in front of his field of vision, shortly before it helps add to the world by creative sounds waves that come as a result of sudden blunt force trauma. Bewildered Link looks around, “What the fuck is going on now?”
“Link watch out”, the whole situation would of come to a shocking finality if the hippy hadn’t sprung to her feet and shoved him out of the way. There before them lay a wounded bird. Apparently no one told this little fella that window shopping is really something best handled with objects other than your face. The bird fluttered about on the ground, one of its legs bent at an angle that Link, amature zoologist, assumes isn’t natural. It kept trying to fly away but it couldn’t stand up to get going.
“Shit I almost stepped on the poor little guy. Hey, we are going to help it right?” Carefully he extends his hand outwards twords the bird and gets a beak to the palm for his troubles. Much to the hippie’s surprise he didn’t really react much to the pain, nor did he curse the birds existence or stomp around like he was just doing a second ago over ice cream. Instead he looks genuinely concerned over the bird’s health and tries again, with much the same result, “Damnit. Look I have no fucking clue what to do”.
She looks pensive for a minut, “Well I’m sure the internet can help us, and I have some friends I can call. Right now though we need to get it to stop flailing about like that or else it might end up hurting itself even more. We also need someway to transport it”
Link nods, “Okay I am on the transporation you are on claming the bird duty, I’ll be back within five mints” and with that he bolts off twords his car. It is amazing how having a well stocked car can come in handy at the strangest of times. A towel seems like to much for one little bird, but socks, socks would work. That way we could put socks under the birdy and a couple of more around it to make sure it doesn’t get banged around while driving it back to the dorms. Socks, and a shoe box in hand Link pounds back over to the hippy who has since managed to somehow calm the bird down enough so that it has stopped flailing about, wings against its sides, hands around its body, she forms a cacoon of warmth promising to bring new life should the bird choose to trust in the big ones. Smiling triumphantly upon returning Link sets down the box and socks, “And to think you were making fun of me just yesterday for my over preparedness”
“It seems like having something small, soft, and modular to wrap around the bird would be better than tissue paper or a towel”
“Yeah but I’m pretty sure your socks will get ruined this thing already shit on my dress”
“So what they are just socks, I, hey you think I should go gather up some branches and leaves and shit? Having some of that stuff around might help the bird feel more relaxed?”
The hippy shrugged, “I’m not mother nature I just, oh I don’t know it couldn’t hurt though”
“Okay” he says it as he is getting up to run off again. Well one thing is definetly for certain and that is that Link is a man of action. He bearley hesitates before flying off to go do what needs to be done. It’s nice in a way, this bird thing is crazy though, it flew right in front of him. It wasn’t long before he came galloping back at top speed. Somewhere along the line he scavenged an old shoping bag that he filled with grass, leaves, and twigs apparently. Positivly beaming he sets about setting up a nest in the box, first using a layer of socks then putting down a decent helping of leaves. The bird has switched over from flailing about helplessly to frightened squaking, “Hey who do you think it is talking to?” Her atension is more focused on getting the bird into the box without setting it off any worse than it is. Then after another minut he asks, “You think we can do this ourselves or should we bring the little guy to a vet”
“I don’t know Link, either way we got to go back to the dorms and figure out what to do”.
“Yeah alright, you are right, lets get going then, we can pick up anything else you need tomarrow when we go out to get whatever it is we need to take care of the bird”

Hrm. It has been awhile since I’ve updated this hasn’t it? If any of you are still out there I haven’t killed myself yet, yeah I know I am as surprised as you are. Its just that being away from my family, Sara, and that whole place in general has done quite a bit to change my outlook on life, or rather to give me one. The first week I was up here I did my morning ritual same as always but it didn’t feel, I don’t know, right. it’s hard to explain but for the first time in my life I actually wanted to see tomorrow. That I no longer wanted to live my life as a series of semi interconnected units that might termiante at any point and time. I’m not so sure if I want to grow old yet, but for right now, for the first time in a LONG time I feel the desire to live my life safe in the knowledge that there will, indeed be a tomorrow.
It isn’t the easiest thing in the world though. I’ve been living life without a tomorrow for so long that I just don’t know how to do anything now that all my days are connected together again. I mean they were all connected together before, but with a one in six chance that I won’t be seeing the whole lot of you again the next day made my life a whole hell of a lot simpler. Now my actions have consiquences, that aren’t just temporary at best.
At the very least it is a truly strange feeling. Of course doing all of this is much easier when the campus is all but abandoned. Summer time up here is strange. I feel more like a ghost haunting a series of abandoned buildings rather than a full time student. For maybe two hours out of the day I get to see other people and then it all goes dead quiet again. My classes suck but there really isn’t anything new about that. Holy fuck. I just realized I need to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life. Man I never even though of that before. I don’t even know what this school is good for, maybe nothing. In a couple of years once I get my AA I might have to transfer to somewhere and should probably start looking into doing that soon because you never know when… oh wait I forgot my tomarrows come now. Guaranteed.
Thous people who go around talking big about how the world might end tomarrow and we should appreciate each and every day like it is something special all make me laugh. To me they symbolize the ultimate evolution of being absolutely pathetic. Here’s the reason why. You want to celebrate life in all its fail pathetic little beauties right? You really want to be appreciative of the small things in life, and not so assured that tomarrow will come that you can afford to waste time? Then you would go forth and be appreciative. You wouldn’t be sitting around spreading potential doom in a pathetically tansparent attempt to make yourself seem some how smarter than everyone else. It is just plain petty. Most of life is petty of course. I don’t really have a problem with that myself. Small things are the nice things. You want to really learn to appreciate the day, to really understand the diffrence between things that need to be done right the fuck now and things that can be put off ? Then go play yourself a game of Russian roulette. Assuming you make it, you will then understand just how easy it is to not care about who is dating who or what your favorite celebrity is doing this week.
Of course all this cute little knowledge has come at a price. Now I don’t know how to live. I just don’t. I don’t really understand how to deal with people in a normal way, or even how to seek out their company. For the first time in my life I am aware of what being alone is, and that is frightening to me. Now that I have spent a life time pushing people away all the sudden I need to figure out how to keep them around me.
It isn’t so much that I need people. Rather it is that I want to need them. My morning ritual naturally made me keep the people around me at arm’s length. The war at home didn’t help either but one is a symptom of the other so, never mind. It isn’t important. What is important is that on top of everything else I need to learn how to do I need to learn to be around people. I’ve actually managed to make one friend. I don’t know her name though, I just refer to her as hippy, not to her face mind you but well you know how it is. We met under some unusual circumstances, and for the past week or so I’ve been helping her garden. Yeah yeah I can hear you lauging from here, but I LIKE gardening. It is something that requires time. Not just mechanical hourly time but a day to day sort of time. Things I planted a week ago are bigger now, soon they will ripen and I’ll be able to eat something I helped bring into this world with my own two hands and, my life. My day to day existence is helping to construct something and that is fantastic to me, it is something far more important to me than anything else I would be ordinarly doing with my time that is for damn sure. She seems to really like it to. When I call her hippy I really mean it. She is a hard core vegan, with hairy legs, and a rather relaxed stance on personal hygene. Still it isn’t like I need to go down on her or anything so none of that really bothers me. She is always wearing these long skirts, with rough shirts and always an old beat up green vest. It be honest I think everything except the green vest are all hand made. There was one day I was screwing with her about the whole vegan thing and her reaction was rather intense. I’m starting to suspect that there is more to her being a living emblem to a time gone by than just personal belief. My guess is that it is tied to the former owner of the vest somewhere. I haven’t really asked her about it though. I mean I am not exactly willing to talk about my past with her either. I don’t even know what I’d say, “Oh me? Well I’ve been playing Russian roullet with a gun I stole from my uncle since about the 8th grade, I’ve been in a near constant war with my parents, oh and there is this bat shit crazy girl named sara who is hell bent on ruining my life as solidly as possible”. Right I don’t see that going over well. So I figure everyone is allowed to have their secrets. Should she ever want to share I’ll be around. I just need to remember to lay off making fun of her hippy shit. It is hard though. I mean most of her skirts actually have a peace sign stitched onto them.
Oh and fortunately she is a lesbian. Man is that ever a relief. For the first couple of days I was terrified of asking her to go anywhere or to do anything with me just in case whatever it is we had together blossomed into some crazy ass love thing. Legs aside it isn’t so much that she is unattractive or anything like that. Rather a relationship is just more than I can really handle at the moment. Fucking a, after the whole disaster with Sara a relationship is a lot more than I can handle. I figure once I get my head around human interaction I’ll work on a relationship with someone somewhere. Probably next decade. If Sara isn’t enough to make you celebant than really? Nothing what so ever is.
Being with her is nice though. She really lets me be myself without me having to worry to much about everything all at the same time. For example, one time we went to a little garden supply store in the middle of nowhere and they had daffodils out front!!! I love daffodils! Best flower ever. So I went to go hang out with them for a bit and she didn’t even really blink an eye. Instead she just went on with her business not needing me on her shoulder constantly or anything like that. I like that in a person. Sure her moral vegan thing is a little screwy but she doesn’t try to push that on me either which is also fabulously nice. It is just that I enjoy being around her a great deal. It feels like she is softening the cold dead thing that is inside of me. Flexing parts of me that I once thought I had broken off and thrown away. I guess I start to feel more human about her.
Above when I wrote all that stuff about needing people around, that is why. I need people to help remind me why it is I am still living. Why I am choosing a day to day existence over a series of isolated accidents. She’s helping me with that far more than she knows and for that I will be forever grateful to her. I can only hope that some day I can do half as much for her.
Well enough of this. It feels weird writing in this thing now. It used to be sort of a rolling suicide note. Now it is something else. A place to work through things I guess I don’t know. At any rate I do need to go soon. We found an injured bird, or rather it found us. At any rate this is another one of those affirmation of life, going on living is important things. So I am off to go help nurse it to health. Maybe I’ll go into teaching.


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