Monday, October 22, 2012

I can see why I didn't do this before it is tedious

2011 NANO Part 15

    Stephen looks surprised, “What do you mean these guys aren’t our only problem?”
    Jared looks more than a little embarssed, “Well there is this transhumanist techno cult that occationally follows me around.  They are now going to be here in…” 
    Jared is cut off by the roar of mopeds.  Okay yes we all understand that mopeds don’t ordinarily roar but these aren’t ordinary mopeds.  These a tricked out with lights, and diods, and dials whoes purpose Stephen will never understand.  He can see why too.  They are an awefully sorry lot.  Wannabe cyborg bikers.  Pathetic and no matter how hard they try they can’t seem to cover the fact that they are all former computer geeks who still aren’t used to the sunlight.  They all have tatoos.  Most of them are really bad tatoos of your standard flash drawing with a technological flair.  A few of them have passibly interesting cicuit board facial tatoos, which would be nice if they had passibly interesting faces.  Their shirts are a mish mash of slogans that declare themselves to be on the forefront of the transhumanis technical revolution.  There are about a dozen of them, and they are all armed with technology they shouldn’t have.
    Alexander leans over to Jared, “How did they get this stuff?”
    “Look man the undernet is pretty damn impressive but with enough time an effort anyone can access it.  That was kind of the whole point of it”
    “So you could spawn apocalyptic sci fi rejects?”
    “Alright Alexander yeah yeah they are pretty bad but now you have even more people in robes showing up.”
    “Damnit”  Alexander looks around and sure enough, almost in response to the cyber techno wannabe bikers more people in red robes start pouring out of the alleyways. 
    Stephen smiles, “See that is the nice thing about practicing an art who’s intrinsic property is to drive you insane.  Then you have less baggage to deal with later on.”
    Alexander rolls his eyes, “Hey at least I can go down into my basement without being afraid of getting devoured or something ridiculous like that.”
    “Hey now my basement-”
    “WE WILL NOT BE IGNOED” there are almost a dozen men in red robes now and when they all shout at the same time they can make quite a stir. 
    Alexander sighs and puts up a dome.  He’d hoped to do some reading tonight or something similar but no.  No instead he has to deal with red robed idiots of minor power weird techno cybogs, and of course cleansing the minds of everyone in the waffle house who are now all looking curiously into the parking lot, “Alright well now that we have some privacy what the hell do you people want.”
    Again with the speaking as one, “We will not speak to an oath breaker and to speak to someone so low as to use these pathetic excuses for men as back up.  These cyber minions.  You have lost the way.”
    Alexander face palms, “Wait whoa no hold on now these guys are here for another reason, wait why are you people-”
    The head biker steps forwards, “Our reasons can wait old man.  We now got a glitch to debug with these boys in red over here.  We are the new wave.  The technological forefront of the new millenium.  We are the princes of the transhumanist movement and that man there is our god”
    “’sup” Jared puts up his hand and smiles.  This has already gone horribly wrong he might as well enjoy it.
    The biker nods respectfully twords Jared, “We will not allow you, with your old ways and your cantrips to defile the precense of our lord”
    Stephen leans over to Alexander and whispers, “Here that they just called your ways old and musty”
    Alexander shrugs, “To be fair after the first 1500 years you get pretty set in your ways and they belong to a group that is even more set in their ways than I am”
    The leader of the red robes steps forwards, they could tell he’s the leader because he has the confident swagger of an oppressor  along with the ornate gold patterns down his robes, “Look cyber people.  We have no actual quarrel with you.  Our business with the wizard once we are done with him you are free to do what you will”
    The lead cyber man looks around and laughs, “Well our business is now with you because when we are done there won’t be anything left of these three.  We are bringing them up to a higher plane tonight”
    Jared looks befuddled, “Excuse me?”
    However, Jared goes ignored as the leaders of the two groups square off.  They can see that it is about to happen.  The minions are starting to shuffle their feet and as subtlety as possible they start cracking their shoulders and getting ready for the battle ahead.  Jared, Stephen and Alexander are amazed, they themselves have spent many a happy moments posturing before an enemy and most times they just sort of expected them to turn tail and go home out of fear.  It is amazing how obvious the outcome looks when they are on the outside.
    Forgoteen the three turn to confer with one another, as the two group leaders work themselves closer to physical combat.  Stephen looks slightly concerned, “So do you guys want to take odds as to who will strike the first blow?”
    Alexander looks at them for a moment, “It will be the boys in red.  See that guy over there fiddling around under his robes.  He’s cast a spell and he’s trying to keep it in.  These guys are idiots at best and he isn’t going to be able to”
    Jared laughs a little bit, “No way these cyber bikers are low lifes, they will fire the first shot just because that is the way it should of happened in Star Wars.  Just wait one of them will fire any second”
    Alexander smiles, “Yeah well so it is down to your itchy trigger fingered starwars love versus my guy’s incompetence that’s not really something to hedge your bets on I mean really these guys are going to genuinely screw up”
    “Nope at least 6 of them have magical dampening fields and I bet that spell has gone off already and that red guy is fidgeting because his spell didn’t work and he’s wondering what’s going on”
    “The dome went up”
    “Oh ho really now Alexander now that is quite the competent.  You think that half a dozen magic dampening fields constructing by idiots who end every typed sentence with lol can stop one of your spells.  I’ll be sure to tell them that you think so highly of them.  Maybe they will show up at your house at all hours of the night while you are trying to get things done looking for nuggets of wisdom.”
    Stephen looks concerned, “Look as much fun as you two are having don’t you think we should do something about this.  The fight is going to-”
    Stepehen doesn’t need to finnish his sentence because a horrifying mass of tentacles, eyeballs, and tiny mouths full of many razor sharp horrible teeth swoops down from on high.  It chitters something inaudible as it picks up members from both sides and smashes them together creating a rain of horrible pulpy red goop and bone.
    Alexander blinks unsure if what he is seeing is really happening, “Well didn’t see that one coming”
    “Nope” Jared replies, “And it is a damn good thing we didn’t wager anything on it.  Stephen what is that thing and what did it say?”
    Stephen looks slightly embarrassed, “Well a loose translation is shut the hell up annoying flesh bags these three are mine.  As for what it is, well it is an extra planar race of thingies that I nearly wipped out in favor of another better race of extra planar thingies.”
    Alexander rolls his eyes, “Someday I need to sit you down and force you to come up with proper names for all these extra planar creatures you deal with because I feel really god damned stupid saying thingies”  As he says the forbidden word he shudders a bit in disgust.  Then he shutters a lot more in disgust as the extra planar thingy rips one of the red mages in half over his head covering Alexander in a pile of blood and gore.  Wiping a chunck of lower intestens from his shoulder he looks very much to the left of annoyed, “Stephen”
    “Next time you start to kill an extra planar race make sure you finish the job.”
    “Will do.”
    The scene around them is in absolute chaos.  The magical dampeners having long since failed allow the boys in red to freely cast spells which they seem to be doing in great abundance.  Working in sets of three one covers the other two as they fire off spells at incoming threats.  About half are trying to deal with the extra planar thingy while the others are busy with the wannabe cyber punk people.  Now the cyber punk people are far more focused on the spell casters than the horrible extra planer thingy.  Which is all for the best because their weapons seem to be more or less totally ineffective against it.  As for the thingy it is flying around and seems the most interested in trying to get at Stephen but is continuely hampered by the general melee going on around it.  One of the cyberpunks seems to think that this is the perfect time to test out his new experimental jetpack.  It works for a bit which is suprising to everyone including the guy using it.  He makes a couple of successful straffing actions then hit’s the wall of the dome and turns himself into a bright red smear.  Everywhere else people are fighting and dying and now more than a few innocents are being caught in the crossfire.  A cyberpunk catches a spell in the chest and it sends him through the wall of the near by Wallgreens.  As he exit’s the store he uses his flamethrower, mostly just so that everyone knows he was there.  People stream out of the store all around him and he sets them on fire as he goes.  On flaming man runs twords him and with a mighty kick he launches him at the extra plannar thingy who instinctively catches the flaming man, gives a painful shriek and solves the problem by slamming the flaming man down as hard as he can.  Two boys in red manage to dodge out of the way just in time, for the extra planar thingy is more than capable of throwing a human being with such force that he will turn into pulp upon impact.  Two of the cyberpunks seem to have given up on all their fancy technology an are attempting to beat a downed boy in red to death.  They seem to be well on their way until a triad catches what they are doing and try to cut them down with spells.  Unfortunatly, the old cliché is true and spells just don’t work as well on people who are more mechanical than biological.  So for the first part of the barrage they are able to ingore the arcane energies pouring into them until one of the cyber punks back tanks catches fire and the other one has to stop and put it out.  It seems like it is going to work until they both explode.  No one is sure from what or why.
    Alexander comes out of the waffle house with three slices of apple pie on a plate.  The other two couldn’t help but notice that he only has one fork and lots of whipped cream.  They give him a look before heading in themselves intent on getting their own pie, warm dutch apple pie with heaping mounds of whipped cream.  The perfect food for any occasion.  Inbetwen bites of pie Jared asks, “Shouldn’t we be doing something about this?  I mean isn’t all of this technically our responsibility?”
    Alexander looks nonchalant, “Well I mean sure we could wipe them all out pretty easily.  From the looks of it this is the brawl of the d-listers.  But you know how John feels about using our powers to just sort of solve problems”
    “So we should just let this happen?”
    “Well I don’t think talking to them is going to work out.”
    Stephen who is eating unusually enthusiastically wipes some whipped cream off of his nose, “I’m a little bit more concerned over the fact that even though we stopped off at this waffle house completely at random we have a whole mass of d-listers waiting here in ambush for us?”
    Alexander nods, “Yes yes I was going to bring that up eventually.  They all seem pretty eager to do us injury today.  I mean from the sounds of it these gents are always pretty eager to do some damage to us all the time and not a week goes by where I have to brush some upstart or another aside.  So I don’t see what the big hurry is tonight.”
     The extra plannar thingy throws a body their way.  Without looking Jared raising his hand and force pushes it at the thingy, his force push is much faster and the mans body literally explodes on impact against the thing.  It rocks in the sky and more than half of its eyes look dazed.  A cheer goes up from the surviving cyberpunks however all of this goes ignored by Stephen who is finishing his pie, “What I don’t get is that these guys as a group isn’t even a threat to any one of us, heck all of these guys together isn’t a threat to us.”
    Jared sighs, “Stephen do you have to lick your plate like that.  It is unsettling.”
    “As opposed to my extra planar thingy that is just floating around over there, hey look they got it!  Man that thing explodes in such a satisfying way no wonder I sacrificed the majority of their wretched race to something else”
    Alexander who is still covered in blood demands, “And why didn’t you sacrfice all of them?”
    “The other thing didn’t want them anymore.  It grew bored of them and I didn’t feel the need to finnish them off.  In the extra planar scale of things they are little more than vermin.”
    Jared suddenly stands up straight, fumbling with his smart phone and some cables which he reinserts into the hole in his head he beings tapping rapidly on his phone, “This is related to what happened earlier I know it.  Alexander I need you to pretty please sweep the area clean all these guys are confusing the energy signature”
    Alexander nods, “With pleasure I am tired of this ridiculous display of ineptitude” some mumbled words and a few hand gestures and everyone living within the dome is now dead.  Some by fire, more than a few lightning, and one of natural causes.  Heart attack for the win! 
    Stephen whistles, “Was all that really necessary I think Jared just meant the people fighting”
    Alexander shrugs, “come on lets get some summoning stuff ready.  We got a hell of a mess to clean up”
    Jared is left on his own tapping the pad and mummbling to himself.  When he is in the zone he is really in it.  Nothing can get his attension while he is working, which is right where they want him.  He doesn’t register the cloth, but his body does, and it does indeed smell like chloroform. 

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